Reagan's slogan was good morning America but I'm not a morning person. I never have been and I never will be haha. I think I'll be a lot happier once I get a job and can feel like I'm allowed to sleep in. If I wake up after 9, I freak out. And I don't know why. It's not a big deal but I have panic attacks like that. I need to calm my mind. If anything, lately I proved I'm good with strangers. I'm better with them than my best friends that I've known for seven years. I can introduce myself and make random conversation. So why do I tend to feel inferior? Heres my ego trip right now - I grew up. I have a genius IQ. I'm getting my second book published. I finished 2 full years of college and I'm going back in August. So really, what is my problem? Why can't I calm my social anxiety?
I'm getting my tattoo at noon and I'm more nervous than I was with my first one. I don't like tattoo parlors. Hearing the needle. It reminds me of the dentists offices. And I feel flaky. I couldn't think straight the past three days. I blacked out during AIM conversations and how does that happen?
And peej hasn't been on. Nor do I comprehend why I'm so eager to talk to him when our last conversation was so boring. And he ignored me asking him out. And that was putting myself out there which I never do. And after tennis I realized, it's not being social that I've been needing. I want more from my life and that's what's bothering me. Becky is coming back since she graduated college so maybe we will go to the Jersey shore. Shana wants to go shopping and I'm all for that. I've kinda outgrown the "sit in the house and smoke" phase of my life.
I can't wait for our vacation although I don't remember where we are going besides Plymouth. Newburry? Home of John Cena? Did my mom take Newport Road Island off her list? I was reading something online while she was talking and only heard "Hotel, hot tub, pool" and that's enough for me. I can't wait.
Edit: Peej went skeet shooting, four wheeling and bowling yesterday? See when I used to say I wanted to hang out with my friends, I meant and do cool things like the yankees do. It's not social contact I need, it's adventure but I don't want to ride the rollercoaster alone so to speak. I'm so jealous now. I want to be part of that. The team thing. And not a team that smokes and gossips but a team that does outdoorsy stuff.
-> The highlight of my night. Boone Logan laughed that my mom took a picture with her finger of the flash, apparently his mother does the same thing. Jonathan Alba. is a sweetheart smiling and asking if I was having fun. P.J. is one of those players I can't remember what he said really. Hi or how are you or something to that affect. Dustin Mosely liked my mom's shirt, asked if they let her out [Alkatraz shirt.] Kei Igawa laughed at the Hiroshima reference.
I loved getting photos with the players and regret not getting more now. I wanted P.J. to talk to me after like our old conversation but it didn't happen. I guess whatever friendship we had has ended and it sucks because it might be his last season with Scranton. He becomes a free agent.
Now I can focus on getting a job. I applied to CVS which I really want to get but the outlook just doesn't seem good. I need to get one so I can get my car fixed and get used to driving before going to ESU. I'm nervous, another new school. But I do have four months to mentally prepare. We are getting an exercise bike and I have a chance to get a tan this summer. I'm just moody lately, probably because I don't have a job and I'm not in school.
I'm going to attempt to get my second book published soon, when I get the chance to write a sypnosis. We have Kenzie tomorrow and I love seeing her. Children are so cute. Getting a job is really what's on my mind and getting back into college and driving. Two more years of classes. Then I can worry about my future career.
****Stocks Tanked below 7000 points.
****Real Estate Tanked the Lowest in 50 years.
****Industries all Gone in 100 Years.
****4300 US Troops Died for No Reason or Threat from Iraq.
**** Permanent Injuries to 25000 US Troops.
****$ 2 Trillion spent on Iraq War, even though no 9/11 terrorist was from Iraq.